Seriously, I just want a break from doctors, appointments, therapies, medical bills, stress and the drama of it all. I’m sick of worrying about everything, especially worrying about it all on my own because dh could really give two shits…he’s not a worrier and is never home to even think or know about it all.
Many of you know about my kids’ therapies and diagnosis’s and how we’ve had our oldest in vision therapy for a ‘Vision Processing Disorder’ for some time. Well now things just got weird and I’m at my wits end. She’s been in therapy for MONTHS and has made some progress but not as much as she should. I talked to her doctor about it and he thinks that it’s dyslexia and wants her to go see a Pediatric Neurologist. I talked to her therapist about that and she gave me attitude and told me I need to decide what I want to call it. ‘Listen! I want to call it what it is and not guess and play around and waste my time driving 1/2 hour here and back every week for nothing.‘ Grrr…
She has many problems reading; switching letters around while reading (ex: bolt and blot, was and saw, etc.), she adds in letters, leaves out words, adds in new words that aren’t there, skips entire sentences, etc. Her reading comprehension hasn’t been the best but she is improving. Then the therapist tells me that she did notice one thing the other day. While they were doing a visual exercise where my daughter would hold on sheet of paper with very small letters close to her face and another sheet across the room on the wall, she had to go back and forth between the two sheets and name the letters from different lines. (Ex: Small sheets first letter D, large sheets second letter O, etc. and so on.) While she was reading these all off she was supposed to write the letters on a piece of paper in her brain so she could remember them. So they get to the end of the word (whatever the word was I don’t remember now) and the therapist told her to tell her the letters she had ‘written down’. She said ‘D O O R’ (or whatever the letters of the word were). And the therapist said, ‘Ok now what does that spell?’ to which my daughter replied, ‘Rod’. She completely flipped the word backwards.
CRAP!
That just proves to me that it isn’t visual like we had thought…it’s neurological. Which is why we haven’t seen the amount of improvements that we had hoped for. So I got some numbers from my daughters pediatrician and called them today. Guess what? They don’t cover dyslexia evaluations. What am I going to do? I’m seriously in tears. How am I supposed to help my daughter if I can’t afford the evaluation costs?
I’m tired of worrying…tired of all the therapies…tired of appointments…tired of it all. I’m emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I’m to the point where I don’t want to do anything anymore. I barely leave the house and get very anxious when I do. I don’t sleep well and am tired 24/7.
I love my children with my everything and there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for them. I’m their advocate and I’m doing everything in my power to make sure they overcome or learn to deal with their struggles but I’m at the point where I don’t know which way to go or what to do next. And now *I* have all these appointments (about 4 or so) to get my youngest enrolled in Special Education this March for pre-school so that she can continue her therapies and not regress in what she’s already improving on.
I feel myself slipping into depression as I deal with this all on my own. I cry at night trying to think of what to do next and how to handle all of this so my kids don’t feel different. I cry when my oldest tells me that she doesn’t like ‘being special’ and doesn’t want to be on medication anymore. I cry when I feel like there is more I can do but don’t know what or how to do it. I cry when I feel like I’m all alone in this and that I won’t be strong enough or smart enough to help.
I know that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I just wish he didn’t trust me so much sometimes. I pray for strength, patience and knowledge every night. I pray that my kids will be all they can be and come through all of their obstacles and come out proving to all of us that they can do anything and that I did everything I could. But seriously, what I’m I supposed to do to get her the help she needs if I can’t afford for her to get this evaluation?
I’m just….tired.
About Stefanie
I feel your pain. I understand your depression. I would love to say it will all work out in the end but I am wondering about mine all working out in the end. You can read my post from today http://lovemy2dogs.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-swear-its-evil-plot-to-make-me-crazy.html I too am tired of crying, which I have done twice already today.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that’s for sure!
*hugs* honey. I wish there was something I could do to help you.
oh hun, I’m sorry. I honestly have no idea what you’re going through and wouldn’t venture to guess, but it sounds hard. You need a break and your husband NEEDS to help you! Maybe letting him read this will help.
I think it’s just men to not take things on quite like us women do. I am so sorry for all of the things going on in your life and for all of your stress. You are stronger than you think, and you can do this. You don’t know what your made of until days like these roll around! You can do it
Thanks for the support ladies. I just hope things start looking up soon.
Wow. Do I ever know how you’re feeling, and our diagnosis was only in October. I’m tired of appointments and everything else. Think about moving to Canada. A lot of our stuff is covered.
I’m here for you hon. Whenever you need me, please let me know. xoxo
Thanks Cheryl! I knew you would be able to fully understand seeing how much you are going through right now as well. I’m here for you too hon! ((hugs))
Stef-I am so sorry girl. I know it is all overwhelming. ((HUGS)). Maybe you can ask to speak to a supervisor with your insurance co. or maybe you can appeal? Praying for you.
I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. You are a very strong woman!
Awww, Stef I am so sorry. Big hugs – wish I could do something for ya.
OH Stefanie, I will be praying for you and your daughter! This is awful!
I had a very close friend go through a horrible time in kindergarten because of her dyslexia. The teacher even told her mom that my friend was “stupid” and should be held back – at 5 years old! Dyslexia is a very difficult disorder and I pray that God provides the money for your daughter to receive the care she needs. It can be overcome! My friend today is a very successful business girl and won lots of tropies in scholars bowl in high school. I wanted to encourage you with her story of triumph *hugs*
OH I’m sorry that you’re going through such a rough time. It will get better. In the meantime, you can lean on all of us! : )
I would think that the school system would perform dyslexia evals. Have you called the school system about it. I wouldn’t bother talking to her teacher about it, go to the intake people and request new evaluations. I will be thinking about you!!!
I understand really I do, Its so hard when the weight of the world is on your shoulders! I can be a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen!
I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of that. I remember that my son was evaluated MANY years ago through the school system. Check to see what services are available, because many times the schools will take care of this. By the way, after all sorts of problems when he was young – he’s graduated college and is HOPEFULLY getting his Master’s degree.
{{{hugs}}}
(((HUGS))) I’ve been there. My son has not gotten care because we just couldn’t afford it. We made due the best we could without it. We had to. We’re just now getting back on track, and it’s just as frustrating all over again. I’m here if you ever need a shoulder.
(((HUGS))) The first thing you have to remember is that you have to care of YOU first! So that you will be able to be their for the children. Get on some meds. Talk to other parents who are going through the same thing. Write in a journal. The better you feel, the stronger you are and you can figure out what you need to do. I’m here if you ever need to talk or vent.
Kas
This is so hard stef. I know that you have the strength to keep fighting for your daughter and a proper diagnosis. You are a wonderful mom and she is blessed to have you.
trisha
sounds like she maybe. Go to the craft store not joking. and ask for blue film for lighting. My dad has this disorder. Place it on the paper and it helps keep the words straight here is a link to a forum that talks a bit about it http://www.beingdyslexic.co.uk/forums/index.php?showtopic=4532
It is worth a shot to see if it helps. Can you get medicade to help pick up what your insurance doesnt cover?
I know how hard it can be. i have two specail needs kids. hang in there chin up.
praying and thinking of you hun!!!
I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time! Take a step back even if it’s only for one day and breathe. You need to remember to take care of yourself too because you won’t be any good to them if you’re a basket case! Can you have a night off? Go shopping, have some alone time? ((((HUGS)))) I bet if you have a tiny break you’ll be able to refocus and formulate a game plan to carry on. Best of luck with it all Stef!
Hey Stefanie, are you local by chance, or within driving distance? I’m in Pensacola, Florida. My father is a child psychologist, and does evaluations… he has his own private practice, and I bet we could make something happen…call or email me – let’s see what we can do.
On a personal note, you do need some time “off” – you can not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders 100% of the time… take it from someone who tries to. Lean on us, lean on your friends – we are all here supporting YOU!
Lynsey
Thanks Lynsey! I wish I lived closer to you but I dont.
Emailing you soon!
Oh big hugs girl1
Sorry I am late.. the storm knocked out our internet & then we had to clean up trees & branches stuck in the 2 feet of wet heavy snow before even trying to move it..
Does your insurance company or the place where you take your daughter have a patient advocate? they are someone who can work with the family, insurance companies &has access to all the different networks to find you help??
maybe your town has one? or church may know of help?
You definitely need a break for yourself too.
Let me know if I can help in anyway…
the other gals gave some good suggestions.
take care
Faythe
((hugs)) Steph, I’m sorry to hear all this going on. I wish there was more I could do to help =( ((hugs))
oh honey. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. especially at this time of year.
i really hope you are able to find a treatment for her, that is low cost or free. I know my school had one for a couple kids when I was there but things were different then.
many prayers and hugs. And if it helps at all, whenever I have said that line, that I wish God didn’t trust me so much? he has always come in and helped me out. keep the faith, and please keep your head up. much love sweetie!